When you break up with your best friend

20:40:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

The biggest fear is when you date your best friend and you break up, you will lose that friend all together. When you are used to talking about anything and nothing together, then suddenly you lose that, it's a big emptiness. Out of desperation, it's often easier to try to fill that void. And over the weekend, I think I did. A whole TV series in 2 days. I'm exhausted.

It's not hard to be single at age 30, especially if you have enough friends, have heaps of hobbies and am a workaholic. The hardest things is to miss your best friend.

Today's sermon talked about forgiveness within relationships. Forgiveness isn't a feeling- you don't have to remove feelings of guilt, anger, missing, sadness in order for it to be forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice, it's an action. Forgiveness is not forgetting, it's a deliberate choice to not remember faults or how you perceive the other person to have wronged you.

Sitting here alone, and on reflection, I am very thankful for the relationship that was. I am very thankful for the things I've learned about myself and about how to be in a relationship. Would I make the same mistakes again, probably, but hopefully I'm more willing to be forgiving in my next relationship.

Single at 30 #singleat30

20:44:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

When I grew up, I was bought up to believe that I would have to be married and expecting by 30. And indeed, I have many peers who are in that position, some of them living the dream, so of them struggling.

Recently, I made the decision to be single again, just after my 30th birthday. It's a scary world out there, after 30, suddenly being alone is considered rare and undesirable. To me, it's exciting but extremely scary at the same time.

What really surprised me was how good it was to buy an amazing pair of shoes at a discounted price felt. I've become one of those people. Yes, those #singleat30 or #singleafter30 females who spend too much time working to advance their career and find it difficult to carve out time to do little else, and sometimes buying these things fills my heart at least for the time being. I could now spend the next 5 paragraphs talking about the fantastic pair of adidas I bought today at a steal of a price, but I will not.

Instead, I will talk about my experience with trying to find a lover. It's a futile experience, because I have unrealistic expectations. As much as I understand that I can't find someone that can possibly meet those expectations I have, I still get myself into a bind each and every time. No one can fill my heart and make me whole besides Jesus. And in the last week since my break up, I have spent so much more time being with my Lover than ever. I am spending time singing hymns, reading the bible and writing out bible verses. It's like I've rekindled something I haven't felt for a while now. And I feel whole.

Will I ever try to find love again? Probably, after all I'm a hopeless romantic, but next time around, I will try my best to still put my Lord first and not forsake the closeness of my relationship with God, putting aside unrealistic expectations that some other human being can possibly compete with that.