More careful the second time around

07:45:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

First times always special. There is always anxiety and fear of the unknown, but at the same time there is this exhilaration of exploration. You take care to make everything spectacular, you might experiment with ideas you have in your mind.

Then the outcome may not turn out how you like it to be. There is sweetness, richness and flavour but the after-taste may cause you to reflect on the ingredients. 

Part of my personality dictates that I don't like to try things -again. They say practice makes perfect;  seems to me like a waste of time. If you can't do things right the first time, give up, change, make something else. Lately, I have come to realise that the advice of old is wise advice. We should persist, not give up, reflect, refine and reform. 

And so, today I am trying again. The second time around. I made a batch of cookies last week that were good enough. But I don't want to just be good enough. I want to be better. This time, I am taking more care to measure out the ingredients, more time to allow the different processes to happen- things to cool down, set and form. And even if the outcome may not turn out better, but at least I would have done my part. 






[EDIT]

But this metaphorical baking comes from inspiration from this mornings devotional, Ecclesiastes 3. There is a time for everything. I am thankful for the first batch or that season of my life. Indeed there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, ... scatter and gather... search and give up... keep and throw away... tear and mend... silent and speak... 

I am thankful for the experiences that have given me joy and grief. A question we often ask clients is: if you had the choice to experience love (but it has to come with pain) or experience nothing at all, what would you pick. I would choose to experience love and pain than nothing at all. Anhedonia is terrible experience of nothingness- not being able to feel joy in the things that used to make you happy. 

In my next "season" I will be more careful to persist, not give up, reflect, refine, reform. I will allow things to cool down, set and properly form. 

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything
 1 There is a time for everything, 
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.


“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” 
― Corrie ten Boom

Made some mistakes?

16:29:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

Have you made some mistakes in your life? So have I. Who hasn't? The important things is to make changes for the better. Tomorrow is always brighter! For our Lord holds tomorrow. 






This makes me want to volunteer in drug rehab during my overseas visit


如果看見明天 C



C        F
如能看見 你最想的 開心便極容易
[If you can see, what you really want, then it's easy to be happy]
 Dm        G
如能看見 路沒去向 走險並沒意思
[If you can see, no path ahead, then taking risks is meaningless]
 Em    A    F
從前青春 縱沒珍惜 但知道有明天
[Past youth, haven't been treasured but you know there is tomorrow]
  Dm    G   C
怎麼不相信 今天就是改變
[How can you believe, today is a change]

 C        F
如能看見 長途漫漫 可克服任何事
[If you can see, with the long journey, anything can be overcome]
 Dm        G
難尋到愛 寂寞裡有 天的父做靠倚
[Hard to find love, in loneliness, you can rely on your heavenly father]
 Em    A    F
徬徨的心 困在幽谷 若希冀有晴天~
[Anxious hearts trapped in the valley can place your hope in sunny days ahead]
  Dm    G   C
應該可感到 谷底亮著光線
[You should be able to feel the light even at the bottom of the valley]


 C        F
遺忘過去 要再開始 可改掉舊名字
[For get the past and start again, you can get rid of your old name/reputation]
 Dm        G
如求脫去 混亂細節 可剪斷壞髮絲
[If you want to get rid of the chaotic details, you can cut off the bad]
 Em    A    F
柔柔身體 已受的傷 是深會變成淺~
[The bodily injuries that have been sustained can become lighter]
  Dm    G   C
找到方向 新生命是挑戰
[To find your direction, starting a new life is a challenge]


Chorus:
G7  C        F
如明天不記住昨天 以往的以後誰在意
[Tomorrow, don't remember the past. In the future, no one cares about whats past]
   Dm   G    C
如曾有錯未成大錯 要改都總算是容易
[If you have made mistakes it's easy to make amends/changes]
F    G    Em  Am
我最親愛的 這一生寶貴是時間
[My dear, the most precious thing in this life is time]
F  G7    C
你要歸來 總不太晚
[If you want to return, it's never too late]

The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

13:50:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments



Another day spent with my fav.

Took my little L* to the dentist today, the cute little doctor to be was scared that it was painful and asked me to wait for him, that and he didn't have any money on him. So he had 5 fillings scheduled so I thought I would go to the library and do some work. Wrong move, the library was far away and I carried my laptop there, did two analyses then he called saying that he was done. I went back to pay for it with my credit card... on the way to the parking lot, he took out his phone/wallet to pay me back *crash*. So the iphone lay facedown on the pavement. Picked it up and the screen had shattered. Shock horror. We drove around to the apple shop- after half an hour trying to find a park ~ why are there so many people out shopping? They told us it would cost $150 to replace the screen. Seriously? Ok, we got home and called around a few shops. Finally, we got a decent quote and it was a private repair guy. We got to the caravan park and met the man with the tats, yes, oh what a morning. but now the phone is fixed.

On the way back, we sang our favourite song again... the man who can't be moved. oh, it's great that our relationship is so good lately. I will miss him when he goes overseas at the end of the week. Then I'm going to be home alone until Christmas when I go to join him. 

I'm not getting a divorce

14:50:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

I'm not going to give up. I made this decision to get married to my PhD and I'm going to see it through!

陀飛輪 Tourbillon http://cantopoptranslated.org/%E9%99%B3%E5%A5%95%E8%BF%85-%E7%9A%84-%E9%99%80%E9%A3%9B%E8%BC%AA/
唱:陳奕迅  曲:Vincent Chow 詞:黃偉文
Performed by: Eason Chan
Composed by: Vincent Chow
Lyrics by: Wyman Wong
過去十八歲 沒戴錶 不過有時間
夠我 沒有後顧 野性貪玩
霎眼廿七歲 時日無多 方不敢偷惰
宏願縱未了 奮鬥總不太晚
然後突然今秋
望望身邊 應該有 已盡有
我的美酒 跑車 相機 金錶 也講究
直到世間 個個也妒忌
仍不怎麼富有
用我尚有 換我沒有
其實已 用盡所擁有
曾付出 幾多心跳
來換取 一堆堆 的發票
人值得 命中減少幾秒 多買一隻錶
秒速 捉得緊了
而皮膚竟偷偷鬆了
為何用到盡了 至知哪樣緊要
勞力是 無止境
活著多好 不需要 靠物證
也不以高薪 高職 高級品 搏尊敬
就算搏到 伯爵那地位 和蕭邦的雋永
賣了任性 日拼夜拼 忘掉了為甚麼高興
 
曾付出 幾多心跳
來換取 一堆堆 的發票
人值得 命中減少幾秒 多買一隻錶
秒速 捉得緊了
而皮膚竟偷偷鬆了
為何用到盡了 至知哪樣緊要
記住那 關於光陰的教訓
回頭走 天已暗
你獻出了十吋 時和分
可有換到十吋金
還剩低 幾多心跳
人面脹 水晶錶面對照
連自己 亦都分析不了 得到多與少
也許 真的瘋了
那個倒影 多麼可笑
靈魂若變賣了 上鏈也沒心跳
銀或金 都不緊要
誰造機芯 一樣了
計劃了 照做了 得到了 時間卻太少
還剩低 幾多心跳
還在數 趕不及了
昂貴是這刻 我覺悟了
在時計裏 看破一生 渺渺
I didn’t wear a watch but I have the time when I was 18,
so much so that I didn’t give a care and was always partying
Sudden I’m 27 and can’t afford the time to slack anymore
I haven’t achieved anything but I suppose it’s not too late to start
And then during this autumn,
I looked around me and I already have everything I should have
My fine wine, sports car, camera, gold watch that I’m expertise in
so much that I can make the world jealous
yet I don’t feel rich
I’ll use my remaining to exchange for nothing,
where in fact I’ve already used up everything
I’ve given so much in heartbeats
to exchange piles and piles of bills
Is it worth it to remove seconds from your life for a new watch?
So we watch the seconds of our day more closely,
yet our skin are loosening up on its own
Why do we have to use up everything to realize what’s important?
Hardwork is neverending
Life is grand; we don’t need to rely on objects
Nor high salary, high position, luxury goods for respect
Even if we’ve become a count or an expertise in Chopin
Slaving away at the price of life’s moments,
we’ll forget what makes us happy
I’ve given so much in heartbeats
to exchange piles and piles of bills
Is it worth it to remove seconds from your life for a new watch?
So we watch the seconds of our day more closely,
yet our skin are loosening up on its own
Why do we have to use up everything to realize what’s important?
Remember that lesson about timing*
Turn back around and it’s already dark
You’ve spent ten inches of time,
have you exchanged it for ten inches of gold?
How many heartbeats do I have remaining?
My face swollen, a sharp contrast to my crystal watch,
to the point where I can’t even grasp my belongings
Maybe I’ve driven mad,
this shadow is hilarious
If I’ve sold my soul, rewinding won’t bring back the heartbeats
Silver or gold doesn’t matter
Who made it remains the same
Planned, activated, achieved, yet there’s not enough time
How many heartbeats do I have remaining?
Still counting? There’s no time
The most precious is this moment, I’ve realized
I’ve seen my life through this watch, tick tock

Jamie Grace - You Lead (Lyric Video)

23:20:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments


Lead me

Starting to exhaust options

21:18:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

I feel so flat, so I have tried a number of things to get myself out of the slump.
- Exercise... run, swim... I couldn't bring myself to play tennis though, packed the rackets but didn't end up playing.
- Go out with friends, gone out with a different friend each day of the week
- Call friends, call a different friend each day of the week.
- Cook, clean
- Watch tv
- What a movie
- play songs on the piano
- Shopping
- Buy people presents
- Make people presents.
- eat ice cream/chocolate- made me feel worse

Still to try:
- Bath bombs
- go find Christmas lights
- make progress on my data analyses
- more prayer.

Death is never the answer.

Praying to be strong

05:24:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments




I stress- create. I fatigue-bake. I depress- exercise. I do things to make me feel better, and this is what happened... after many hours of toil, including the shopping to get the ingredients. 












Thanksgiving

00:05:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

This year, I am thankful for my family, friends, peers, students... I am thankful for all the experiences that God has given me which will prepare me for a future only He can see.


Thanks to my friends and family have have been with me through thick and thin and have understood my weaknesses but choose to stick by me! Thanks for being there even when I'm not a pleasant person to be around. 

 
Thanks goes out to you huggers (you know who you are!) who have given me comfort which words cannot express. 

Thanks to my heavenly father for providing me with a purpose driven life. For giving me a reason to breathe, for forgiving my wrongs and being patience with me while I keep making mistakes. Thank you for your love, and showing me what love is and how to love. 

I can not give enough Thanks to those special people in my life who deserve more thanks than I can ever say!

Done with the chase.

18:00:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

When we teach sensitive topics, we let students know they can exit the lecture hall at any time but let them indicate whether we should chase after them and check if they are ok. 


Done with the chase. Running after a moving target is tough, nearly impossible, but it's good for loosing weight jkjk. I'm tired. My energy has been depleted. I felt lonely today and just wanted to spend time with friends and people. You can be supportive of everyone around you, and put on a smile, but underneath, all I needed was a pat on the shoulder, a hug, a "are you ok?" But I am too strong for that. I am always running after other people, taking care of others, but will there be someone who will run after me too? To make sure that I'm ok? 


I just needed some time to R & R; some time to refocus, and some time to prioritize. I don't think it's because mum isn't around, it's just a sudden feeling, but I'll get over it. Even when I was walking around with people all around, I still felt alone, misunderstood.


Then I am reminded that the Lord is never far away. He answers prayers thanks God! He gave me just what I needed. A feeling of warmth that radiates within me. Thanks thanks thanks.

Escapism at it's best

08:43:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

It's it amazing how clean the house is, how many chores are done, how many christmas cards and presents are wrapped when I need to be writing my paper and doing data analysis? 

Also, I think I've used heartbreak, illness, grief, sports training, as an excuse to delay the progress of my PhD. No longer shall this win me over, I'm married to my PhD until I've submitted this darn thing and I need to stop getting distracted by every single thing that comes my way. I have to keep saying NO, keep saying LATER instead of maybe, yes, definitely. 




I don't want to waste time in lar lar land and regret it. If there is no long term gain in what I am doing, if I am not reaching my goals, not growing as an individual, not furthering God's kingdom, what is the point?? I am kidding myself. 

Let me not waste time longing for things that I don't have, things that I want, instead, let me treasure the things that I have and make the best use of it. 


‎"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus


God answers prayers

15:56:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments


And so I am waiting.

Breaking dawn part 1

21:30:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

Ok, so perhaps I wasn't expecting it to be so funny. Spoiler alert- if you haven't read the book.

Bella is perhaps to most desperate girl I have seen on screen, always wanting to get into the pants of the walking undead. So this part flies through her wedding and pregnancy.

My favourite parts: the wedding speeches are sooo funny! Her father goes on about how he's a cop and can hunt him (Edward) down to the ends of the earth, her friend talks about how she wasn't chosen by Edward and his brother talks about how she will never sleep again (because she will become a vampire... but the rest of the guests were probably thinking of something else). And Edward, the eternal romantic who has captured the hearts of girls around the world says "no measure of time will be long enough, but let's start with forever." 


Her dress was beautiful, the setting was beautiful, and the cake, spectacular. I'm not sure about the logistics of setting up a wedding in the middle of the forest and it would be really difficult to do unless you had the man (vampire) power and resources that the Cullens had. It was a beautiful wedding though. I like how they used the traditional wedding vows:

I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;  from this day forward for as long as we both shall live
The honeymoon was interesting. She wanted sex, he didn't want to hurt her, so they end up playing chess and bush "walking". And then she falls pregnant. 
The baby growing inside of her begins to drain her of all energy. And the wolves want to kill her and the baby to prevent harm to the humans. Jacob tries to protect her but instead imprints himself to the baby. 
I do like the idea of imprinting. To know in your DNA that you will do anything and everything for someone, be whoever they need you to be. Perhaps there is someone out there that I too can imprint on :)
So that's the movie in a nutshell. What did I think? Well I laughed an awful lot. I didn't watch the movie for it's cinematic brilliance, but the film has truly evolved since the first part- where the scenes weren't trimmed neatly and the actors weren't convincing. What did I think of the morals? Or the fact that children were in the cinemas with all the sex displayed? I'm not sure. The same with Harry Potter... I'm not so sure. Films like these can be treated as entertainment but really, they are spreading ideas. The idea that there can be vampires really out there and they aren't demons. 
So I fall back onto my favourite - everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Waste of time? Waste of money? A little entertainment for a lonely Tuesday is not too bad. And to understand a little of pop culture. 


If you have fallen in love with someone you can't be with

13:32:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

Stumbled on this while watching a link recommended by a friend.

http://youarticle123.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post_2702.html


如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,請珍惜每一次和他說話的機會,珍惜每一次對他的微笑的機會,因為這或許就是你腦海中不多的記憶財富.
If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, please cherish every opportunity to speak to him. Cherish every chance of a smile. Because perhaps it will create a wealth of memories in your mind.


如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,請保持快樂的心態,每一次見到他或者與他交談的時候都能讓他感受到你的快樂,因為看到心愛的人開心是件很幸福的事.

If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, please continue to have a joyful attitude. Every time you see him, or talk to him, make him be aware of your happiness. Because seeing the person you love living happily is a type of blessing.

如果你愛上一個無法永遠 在一起的人,請盡量去幫他,聆聽他內心的聲音,幫他分擔憂傷,但不要祈求太多.這個世界太過公平,是你的永遠是你的,誰也搶不走.哪怕是擁有他的心就夠了.

If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, please try to help him, listen to his inner voice, share his burdens. But don't ask for too much in prays because this world is too fair. Your "forever" is yours, it can't be taken away, to have his heart is enough.

如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,請別一開始就付出太多,事先知道結局的人是理智的.如果你傾盡所有,往往是一無所獲.

If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, please don't sacrifice too much at the start. Those people who can see the outcome from the outset are wise, if you have exhausted everything yet have gained nothing in return.


如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,請別對雙方苛求太多,太多的因素會讓你們分離.如果你想能彼此留有一份美好的回憶,那麼就要給彼此一些自由的空間,讓他感覺你是他的幸福而不是負擔.
If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, please don't demand too much from the other person. There are too many reasons that keep you apart. If you want to leave good memories for the other person, give each other more freedom. So that he can feel that you are his happiness without the burden.

如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,離開的時候千萬不要哭泣,如果他也對你動過心,那就把對方的名字雕刻成輾轉時空中的金子,在每一個清晨日暮都會想起彼此的臉.

If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with,  don't cry when you separate. If his heart has been moved by you, then carve his name into a piece of memory of gold, and think of his face at each sunrise.


如果你愛上一個無法永遠在一起的人,保持好你們在一起每一分一秒的片斷,因為時間的洪水會無情,到了最後剩下的也許只會是零星的碎片.請記得曾經在一起時的那段歲月!因為珍惜今天!它就是明天最美好的回憶!

If you have fallen in love with a person you can never be together with, protect each minute, each second. Because time will water down the feelings, until the end there may only been fragments remaining. Please remember the memories of times experienced together. Because you have to treasure today. And tomorrow you will create even better memories.

Exhausted. We treasure things more if they are harder to get

19:30:00 Kikoprincess 0 Comments

Quick post: Back. Alive. Living and well. Will post pictures later.

[EDIT]. My Conference Trip

Day 1. Early morning flight to Hobart.


My bathroom, complete with HUGE bath tub, which I took full advantage of! Not a bad set up for a bathroom I think, the floor to ceiling running mirror was a bonus. 

Got to the venue to realise my poster needed fixing!


Hot rock salmon @ drunken admiral


Day 2. 
Conference venue by night? No this was 5am in the morning the day after the first symposium. 


The beautiful harbour


As daylight broke, I found the war memorials


After a day's talk, I had time to enjoy the harbourside



And spend some time with the locals, eating fish and chips on the street.


Day 3. Feeling adventurous, I wanted to find the botanic gardens in the morning. This is not it. 


After what was meant to be a half hour walk, ... 2 hours later, I found the botanic gardens. The return walk only took 20 minutes... wish I would stop getting lost. 



Conference dinner. 


Day 4. Last day of the conference. Got my hands on some drugs !!!


Checked out Hobart after the conference. 







Day 5... Russell Falls


Lake St Clair





Trying to find wildlife...

The sun finally begins to set at 8pm. 



Day 6. just before it starts to rain like crazy. 










An open fire with mates.


From my heart to yours, super sweet!


Day 7. Cradle mountain take 2. Gorgeous weather thanks God!!





Definitely worth the 5 hour hike!





Taken at the saddle of cradle mountain!


The way down was quite dangerous and scary!!



BUT WORTH IT. 

First coles shop in Australia!



Fields along the way. 


Devonport. 


Day 8. After visiting the poppy/opium fields. Launceston!






Worst $20 fish and chips ever! But well worth the money and thanks God the shop weathered me from a huge storm!


Beer factory by the banks of the river


Most enjoyable time at the Museum!





And ending the trip shopping!