There is a hidden message, saying that being single is not enough. Our attention is then captured by things, messages, people that temporarily make us feel less incomplete. Yes, the newest iphone, samsung, asian replica phone should fill us. But for how long? 

If we centrallise our thoughts on what is truly important, the rest of the world will seem so far away. 

But as if this was some black comedy the door hit way harder than I had ever imagined. Not only was the trip cancelled for now. It was cancelled for good. Not only did my state announce that the borders were closed to that particular state, but all states almost closed their borders to Victoria. And I received a text message saying it's over. 

I had to re-read the message a few times, who breaks up with someone via text? Thankfully, I have had time now to digest and time to heal. I've had time to reconnect with my first love. I have not been abandoned by someone eternal, just someone temporarily. So that we can rekindle the love with the creator of the Earth. 

This has been my creed since the breakup. I sing it in my sleep, when I wake, during my waking hours. When I am trying to understand why the rug has been pulled from right underneath me. I know that God's ways are higher than my own. And his Thoughts consume the great unknown. 

I'm not sure I want to get to 40 and still have regrets, but I'm sure I will. It's the human condition. So I won't be upset if I don't tick these off the list, there are nice experiences to have, but I am pretty happy with my life as it is today, just as God intended it to be. 

1. Find a church that I want to grow in and get my membership over

2. Donate hair again to a cancer charity

3. Watch my best friends find love and get married

4. Start my own clinic

5. Publish some papers in peer reviewed journals again

6. Help raise a child

7. Not give up on love or marriage

8. Swim with pink dolphins

9. Visit Antarctica

10. See the Northern Lights

... 40. See my best friends get baptised. 

Just before I went away on my break, I planted some more seeds and completely forgot about them. And today, when I needed to know that life carries on the most, I saw them, the little seedlings had sprung to life. 

I'm not sure we can call it dating. But I was seeing this guy for a few months, online. So it was just chatting. And I guess I gave my heart away too easily. We became comfortable with each other and vulnerable with each other. But for the first time in my history, I was dumped, via text. I've heard it from my patients before. It's a cruel way to be dumped. A) because it doesn't allow the other person to be upset at you and you don't feel as guilty dumping them. B) because the other person doesn't ever get proper closure. It's a very interesting experience. To be on the receiving end. 

And usually in these moments, you would expect hope to fade and life to end. But I'm not 14/16 and I was complete before I met him. God is just so good. So, so good. There are just so many ways God has comforted me in the last few hours. 

... While I was still upset and crying, a friend called me. She never calls me. And out of the blue she called me and I told her what had just happened minutes before. 

... The timing was amazing, just as I finished up with a job and had more time to reflect. 

... It was like Devine intervention, as the borders of the state closed, it was like a sign that things should end. 

... I packed away all the things that remind me of us and it left a gaping hole on my desk, but for some reason I had purchased a plant from Bunnings that was falling apart that needed a new lease in life. And it fits perfectly. Like my life won't be empty without his stuff but be filled with restoration. 

... 

... My seedlings sprung to life to remind me of hope. 

When something ends, it provides opportunity for new growth.