the lord giveth, the lord taketh away, and may his name be praised
It's been a humbling few days. I take pride in my work, MY work. So when it's taken from me, of course it hurt. Then, like any human, there were sensitive emotions and grossly exaggerated thoughts. But like any good therapist, I engaged my support network, did some self soothing and did some reflecting on my values.Does it actually matter? I guess it felt like being stabbed in the back and then have the mat pulled from underneath me. The way I sell the story, I couldn't see anyone who wouldn't empathise with me. Yet, in the grand scheme of things, I don't think it matters as much as I thought it did in the moment.
I've had a very good weekend- great hike yesterday and the work issue really didn't matter when I got lost in the bush. All I could think about at the time was, Mum and Mr MK would be pretty annoyed at me if I couldn't find my way back to the carpark, (because I hadn't told anyone I was going to go hiking, went off the trail and did it by myself with no preparation, not even a backpack with water). Yes, I safely made it home with a few bruises. Mostly, I made it home with a fresh mindset.
My name on a paper is simply another "THING". But my name on a paper isn't anywhere on my 30 before 30 list, nor is it a particularly important value of mine. I think this experience has been a huge blessing. I have been working crazy hours and spending a lot of effort on something that isn't the most important thing to me yet I am determined to serve out the rest of my contract with all my might as to be a good witness for others and for others to see God's mercy and grace in my life. I am a sinner. But I have been saved, and it's about time I use this experience as a way to reach out to others.
The project was just something the Lord (not man) gave me, and I learned a lot through the process. Now that the Lord has taken away, I shall still praise the name of the Lord.
