My favorite Chinese word is 迷茫, which translates to, perplexed. I was feeling so perplexed today. It was a feeling of general uneasiness that stemmed from my body and my heart. I found it extremely difficult to concentrate, to be productive. Made sure I had some food to see it it was my sugars. But who was I kidding, I knew it was because I had a lot on my mind. 

By mid afternoon, I was convinced that a 10km run would solve everything. I usually slow jog 5km several times a week. a) for general fitness b) to escape my work, I always come back more productive c) to spend some time with God d) all of the above. However, today, today called for something more extreme. There were things in my heart weighing me down. 

So off I went, with my ipod clipped closely to my body I started out on my jog/run. I spent the time talking to God, asking him what I was doing, where I was going. During the past few days, I have had difficulties speaking to God the way I usually do. My thoughts get distracted. When I listen to hymns, I found it difficult to concentrate. After a good 6km, I found myself in the middle of a large open field. The song on my ipod sang, "Lord I offer my life to you". I crashed. I fell down on the grass and let myself collapse. 

It was the most beautiful texture of grass I had ever ever felt. It felt as if I was lying on a cloud, it was so soft and fluffy. There was a gentle breeze on the field and the nearby trees were providing adequate shade. Birds were in a distance chirping, I turned off my ipod and prayed. It was a wonderful experience. On my return leg of the run, I ran without the ipod. Once again, the lord was speaking to me. I sang to him a new song. A refreshing song, that I yearned for him to help me to take my burdens away. 

When I returned home this afternoon, my mind wasn't more clear, but I felt lighter. A wave of peace had swept over me. 

I was also blessed with the opportunity to speak to a close friend about matters close to my heart. I am so blessed that God answers prayers. I am so blessed that I have a direct communication channel to God. So blessed that God's status is never appear offline, away or busy. I'm so blessed that he answers every prayer in his own way, in accordance with his own timing. I guess what I needed most was not clarity, but peace within ambiguity. 

"From my earlier blog-- I was reading a book last night, every women's struggle, which talks about spending time with our lover, setting aside special times to get close to our maker.