A brand new start

09:40:00 Karen Li 0 Comments

It's always exciting beginning a new journey. You may start to imagine the destination, plan what you want to do once you get there. But a lot of the fun is in the process, the journey itself.

Today, is the start of a brand new journey. This is a brand new blog where I will share my faith, even if it's as small as a mustard seed. The future looks so much brighter and full of hope when I know the Lord is there to guide me. 

He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.Luke 17:6 

The next 2 months will be an extremely busy time for me. I have numerous papers to write, numerous meetings to attend, numerous assignments to write. I will be writing my last ever clinical assignment. And will be giving a lecture, and presenting at a conference. And matters of the heart come into play.

At the moment, despite my super busy schedule, I find myself distracted. I often think of a certain person, yet I do not know if they share the same feelings as I do. For a while, I have prayed that God will send me someone to serve with. My prayer had been so vague. I don't know what is best for me or for His kingdom. So I have sought to seek His kingdom first and foremost.

Lately, I have been praying that "You will send me someone to serve with, someone who loves You and who inspires me to love You more each and everyday. Someone who understands my flaws, goals and ambitions and still loves me. Someone I can help to grow in you and someone who makes me want to be a better person." This prayer doesn't specify a romantic partner does it? But when I add on the last part, inspired by someone very close to my heart, it reads "And who you have chosen for me to love and cherish and walk together in life/marriage/ family in any circumstances you have allowed". I thought I saw very clearly the person whom you have chosen. But it hurt me to say that he didn't see things the same way. Or as he put it, he is slow to warm up. He told me that he can't give me any promises. Which left me confused. I then started to pray that God would close doors if they are not meant to be opened. Has the door been closed or is this a challenge we are meant to overcome?

I deal with other people's relationship problems all the time. Yet, when it comes to my own life, I become irrational, easily perplexed. I often question the meaning of his words. Does it mean that he doesn't feel anything for me at all? Does it mean that he does feel things for me but can't make a long term commitment? Does it mean that he does feel things for me, but only as a brother-sister in Christ? I get so very confused.

I am so easily swayed, of little faith. I should stick firm to my belief. I should stop worrying about such things. For God has promised, that if we seek first his kingdom, all these things will be provided for us. I should let go, let God.

And now, my research calls me, so until next time... remember, even if you only have faith as small as a mustard seed, we can move mountains!

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