KIKOPRINCESS: Faith as small as a mustard seed

In anticipation of valentines day a friend and I were discussing love. Metaphorically, if I had the choice, how would love be like- if it was a method of cooking. My friend described the type of love he was after, slow cooked. You know the type of love that grows with time, where the love gets richer and deeper. The type of slow cooked-ness that you can imagine with a tender fall-off-the-bones goodness that leaves you wanting more with each mouthful.

My friend guessed that the love I might be after would be akin to a fast burning hot stir-fry that is so intense that it would burn, leave me in tears, but still stubbornly, I would reach for another mouthful. on reflection, I think my relationships whether with friends or lovers would be akin to this later metaphor. Would it be the type of love I would desire though?

Can't I have both? You know? The type of love that would be like quickly pan frying a lamb cutlet to seal in the juices then popping the lamb cutlet into the oven to slowly bake. Can't the love be intense, passionate, yet deepen with time?

You know what though, in line with all these analogies with love is fire. Relationships require preparation, relationships require work, and relationships need to endure difficult times- they can take the heat.

Most people, myself included go into relationships hoping that they would be satisfied in a relationship. That they will become full. That somehow the other person would fill the void in their lives. Sometimes, like a good meal, it feels like it. But then most of us will grow hungry again. Always searching for me.

What if the other person can never completely fill us? What if the other person wasn't the answer? There is an answer to the hunger. It's Jesus. It's just such a blessing to meet someone who can eat the bread of life with.

John 6:35

"Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY-

No matter where you are and what type of love you desire.

I've been quite lucky, incidents of perceived bullying can be counted on the palms of my hands. A few stand out- starting school in a place where my brother and I were the only asians in the playground was hard. I remember the odd looks, and the jokes about our eyes... that was until we flogged them all in academics. Then there was hardship while working under the guidance of a lawyer, I was made to feel very very very incompetent.

Over the past couple of months, I had really given a particular friendship a chance. When we started to become friends, I was well aware of the intentions. I had my doubts, and felt like the other person would use me to fill in their spare time. We had odd interactions were I would be made to feel very very small- almost as if nothing I did was ever up to standard. I just wasn't good enough. The way I planned wasn't good enough, the way I dressed wasn't good enough. And I put up with it all by laughing and telling them, that's fine, we are able to have our own opinions. It really didn't matter, these trivial pieces of advice that were given. But yesterday, something gave. "Karen, you can't have no plan. You must have a plan." The comments made me feel "" this small. I did have a plan. The plan was to submit to God's plan and be open to opportunities.

And it was such a bizarre friendship to have, especially since none of my friends agreed with me being ""this small. So, I am glad the friendship is over. No ill will towards the ex-friend, but the way they made me feel wasn't fair. I am so blessed to have this short time-limited experience. When I was leading worship this morning, and singing this song, it just affirmed the fact that I AM HAPPY TO BE ME. And I hope the kids really get to draw on the strength of this song when they are feeling teeny tiny.

hillsong kids- royalty

Verse 1:
God made me who I'm meant to be
He loves me just the way I am
God made me who I'm meant to be
His dream for me is so amazing

Pre-Chorus:
And for this simple reason I am happy to be me

Chorus:
Whoa Oh, Whoa Oh, My God watches over me
Whoa Oh, Whoa Oh, I feel like royalty
And for this simple reason I am happy to be me

Tags:
Whoa Whoa Oh, I am happy to be me

Lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/royalty_lyrics_hillsong_kids.html

I have been typing, and deleting, typing and deleting this post all day- it's the anniversary of my father's death, nothing I wrote seemed to be able to do the memory justice, it's as if something was missing.

I deleted everything I had wrote, and thought, stuff it, I'll just type up the tabs/lyrics of this song I liked to listen to on the radio. Low and behold as I was researching the origins of this Steven Curtis Chapman song, I found that yes- God had a plan right from the start.

The music video is absolutely stunning. It tells the story of a girl losing her father, and travelling with the clues her dad left her to complete his final letter to her. Wow. It's almost like God was speaking to me through this song. Hold on to every promise God has made for us. It's going to be a glorious unfolding.

There have been a few things on my mind lately. I'm confused about where my future will lead, who I am supposed to keep in my life, and who I should let go of, what I should chase after and what I should leave behind. I am feeling absolutely revitalised by the song....

"This life passes in a blink of an eye, but the story has only begun. So go, taste and see the goodness of God. I will see you in a little while... love Dad". I will see both my heavenly father's soon enough, but for now, I have the world to see...

http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/s/steven_curtis_chapman/glorious_unfolding_crd.htm

http://stevencurtischapman.com/behind-the-scenes-on-the-glorious-unfolding-music-video/

Glorious Unfolding

By Steven Curtis Chapman

Intro: C Am F

Verse 1

C

Lay your head down tonight Take a rest from the fight

Am

Don't try to figure it out

      F                                     C/E  G

Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart

C

'Cause I know this is not Anything like you thought

Am

The story of your life was gonna be

        F                                           C/E

And it feels like the end has started closing in on you

         Dm        F

But it'S just not true

            C           G            Dm       Am    F

There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold

Chorus

              C                       F

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding

         Dm                F            Am    F

Just you wait and see and you will be amazed

             C                                      F

You've just got to believe the story is so far from over

              Dm             F              Am

So hold on to every promise God has made to us

                 G         C/// F/// Am/// F///

And watch this glorious unfolding

Verse 2

C

God's plan from the start For this world and your heart

Am

Has been to show His glory and His grace

F

Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of

Am     B-C-F

His unfailing Love

          C       G       F

And the story has only begun

Chorus

              C                       F

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding

         Dm                F            Am    F

Just you wait and see and you will be amazed

             C                                      F

We've just got to believe the story is so far from over

              Dm             F              Am

So hold on to every promise God has made to us

                 F        Am /// //// G /// ////

And watch this glorious unfolding

Bridge

         F                   Am          G

We were made to run through fields of forever

         F           G

Singing songs to our Savior and King

   Am               G

So let us remember this life we’re living

    F                  F

Is just the beginning of the beginning

Chorus

C                   F

Of this glorious unfolding

         Dm                F          Am    F

We will watch and see and we will be amazed

            C                                          F

If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over

                Dm            F              Am

And hold on to every promise God has made to us

                G         C /// F /// Am /// F /// (these 4 chords until end)

We'll see the glorious unfolding

Just watch and see (unfolding)

This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)

2014 has been an interesting year. I seem to need to blog less to express my thoughts and feelings, and talk more to friends and families about my troubles and joys.

Last year, I did a gratitude list for 2013- (link to gratitude list 2013). This year will be no different.

Gratitude list 2014
1. Finishing my PhD! finally, after so many long years.
2. Business venture finally on track
3. Got debt free by 31 December 2014
4. My mother's health and energy
5. My brother's ability and opportunity to help others
6. A super group of friends who are always there for me
7. Family who are never too far away
8. Opportunities to help clients reach their potentials
9. Enthusiasm of Sunday School Students
10. Early morning walks with my best friend
11. Health and continued recovery
12. A place to call my home
13. Safety
14. Beautiful lives that will be forever remembered
15. Opportunities to travel to Europe, Newcastle, Darwin, Sydney
16. A new job and team
17. Supervisors who are there when it counts
18. a group of young people who are willing to serve in music ministry
19. People who love my laughter lines
20. Being able to move on from forgiveness
21. Reaching a healthy weight and being able to model healthy living
22. Patience and emotional regulation improving
23. My cell group, and their continued prayers
24. Phone calls with my best friends
25. Clothes wearing out - lasting all the way up to now
26. People around me who are in love, married this year or got engaged this year
27. New borns this year who have bought me such joy
28. Unexpected gains
29. Opportunities to start something new
30. People I can talk to instead of blogging to express my views
31. Hope for a future I cannot see

I know I have a set of 30 things to do before I'm 30, and I'm slowly working towards the relevant ones. For 2015, I'm not going to make any new years resolutions. I'm not going to make any SMART goals, or public declarations that I can not keep past January. I'm going to move in valued directions.
Last year, I made a list of goals towards values directions (2014 valued directions goals) and taking stock, I think I've done pretty well.

1) To be thankful for something everyday- Review this list NYeve next year. -- done as promised.
2) Exercise self-control and discipline- Finish PhD and get down to healthy weight-- done as promised.
3) To be more connected- More real time, less screen time -- better than last year.
4) Be a wise steward of money- Get out of debt -- done as promised.
5) Love others more. WWJD -- better than last year.

As my values have changed, so will my targets, so for 2015, here is what I will start with.
1) Find new ways and places to serve God
2) To be thankful for something everyday - review this list NYeve next year
3) To make myself more available to friends, family, and new relationships
4) Being more patient
5) Finding more self control.

HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(http://www.pinterest.com/pin/252272016601355050/)

This evening, there was a stunning display of fireworks we could see from our house,a nd it was perfectly complimented by a bright full moon. As I stood there admiring the scene, mum rushed inside to find her camera phone and fiddling with the camera settings - missing a fair portion of the display. She then proceeded to talk about the smog cloud created by the display.

That would have been me a year ago, a month ago, could have been me yesterday.

But today, I just stood there an enjoyed the show. No, I don't have any photos to prove it happened, nor any magical video capture I could show on instagram. It was just an experience I had, and I was present.

I know there will be many wonders this christmas season, beautiful things that your friends could admire on facebook, instagram, twitter or other social media outlets. I will scroll through my feed and will find things that are beautiful and perhaps like or comment on these things. Yet, there will be MOMENTS. Those moments that are too precious to be fiddling with a camera phone, too precious to tag. There will be moments where you just have to be present. Who cares that you won't have a picture to prove it, it still happened.

Share your Christmas cheers, don't miss those moments.

I found out today that my best friend from school passed away. Yes, I was best friends with her from Grade 4 all the way through to grade 10 before I changed schools. She had made such a big difference in my life.

When I started at a new school (being the only asian in my grade), she was an instant friend.
When I was too nervous to attempt camp activities, she was by my side.
When I was too shy to speak up, she was by my side.
When I wanted to write my first novel, she was by my side.
When my dad passed away, she was by my side.
When I didn't know how to turn down the first guy who asked me out, she was by my side.
When I had an idea to put on a play at school, she was by my side.
When I was so nervous I couldn't speak properly for the debating competition, she was by my side.
When we graduated primary school and got our awards, she was by my side.
When we entered into a large high school overwhelmed by so many people, she was by my side.
When we woke up to the news of September 11, she was by my side.
When I became teary on the last day of grade 10 knowing that I wasn't going to see many of these friends again, she was by my side.

In high school, especially after I changed schools, we kind of lost contact. In fact, I have lost contact with many people. Part of that is sheer laziness on my behalf. A few weeks ago, I re-contacted DG and had arranged a catchup after her last round of chemo. And it never got there.

She was my rock when I was unsteady. My best friend throughout most of my schooling. Not only was she by my side, but she encouraged me to be a better version of me- to try things I didn't think was possible. And having read through the dozens of well wishes left on her FB wall tonight, I've discovered that over the years she hadn't changed. She was still helping others, still inspiring others, still bubbly and outspoken. It was a short and brave battle. I will always remember the awkward moments, the encouraging moments, the fun moments, but most of all, the us moments. Thank you for being uniquely you.

My dear friend. RIP.

Well really, #21 was to learn how to play the guitar.

Instead I've done the mini version and started to learn the ukulele. I think this is an ok compromise or first step. This is my first song. I have this track on repeat sometimes, because after 8 years of watching How I met Your Mother, Ted meets the mother. And she is perfect for him.

Maybe one day I will meet someone out there someday who has gone through a similar journey as Ted. Where they have fallen in and out of love, where they have been hopeful and disappointed, where they have sinned and been forgiven, where they have grown as an individual, where they have been hurt and where they have hurt others. Maybe, just maybe I am that one person in their life that the story is waiting for.

So I await the director of my story and his story to make each step to be known. For only He knows.

La Vie En Rose- from How I met Your Mother #HIMYM

https://ukutabs.com/c/cristin-milioti/la-vie-en-rose-2/

Intro: G Gmaj7 Em Am D D7
 
 
G                         Gmaj7
Hold me close and hold me fast
                     Em
The magic spells you cast
                  Am  D
This is La Vie en ros-e
 
 
                        D7
When you kiss me heaven sighs
                      D
And though I close my eyes
                Dsus4 D7
I see La Vie en ros-e
 
 
G                         Gmaj7
When you press me to your heart
                Em
I'm in a world apart
                    C
a world where roses bloom
 
 
Am                        G
And when you speak angels sing from above
Am                     D
Everyday words seem to turn into love songs
 
 
G                           Gmaj7
Give your heart and soul to me
                     C
And life will always be
   Am  D       G
La Vie en rose