My second year milestone for my PhD/ third year for my postgraduate studies is coming up. At this stage, I am just feeling tired. I feel like I'm not going anywhere - everything seems to be happening in slow motion, yet the weeks past by so quickly. It was only a year ago when I was down south working on data collection. A year ago when I was in a completely different place, fending for myself. And a lot has happened over the span of a year. 

Finished my first external placement, finished my last ever clinical assignment, finished my last ever clinical exam. Only one more external placement and I will have finished the requirements of my coursework degree! 

I got my first ever first-authored publication. My relationship with my supervisor is much more functional. I have projects ready to go and just waiting for me to finish. Once I finished all the write ups, I will be a doctor~ of sorts. When will that day come? Today, my devotions bought me to 1 Peter 1. The writer reminded me that although my postgraduate journey seems long, it's not in comparison to the rest of my working life (God willing)- the title is something no one can take away. And the marathon that I am running now is going to be worthwhile. Even more worthwhile are the trials we are being put through for God's kingdom; we are building up things that are eternal, that people cannot take away. 

As I move to the final stages of my postgraduate degree, I am starting to see a brighter future. One where I am no longer on a minimal wage. One where I am more autonomous in my work. One where I might have a LIFE. One where a dark gloomy guilt cloud doesn't constantly remind me that I am wasting time. One where I may actually have a social life ~ where spending time with friends doesn't mean a "wasted" thesis writing time. One where I might be in a better position to think about starting a family (God willing). But at the same time, there are also fears of the unknown. I am not sure what God wants me to do. I don't know what his will is for my career, for my relationships and for me in general. But I shall take it one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Or right now? One word at a time, one paragraph, one publication...