Tired

18:10:00 Karen Li 0 Comments


My second year milestone for my PhD/ third year for my postgraduate studies is coming up. At this stage, I am just feeling tired. I feel like I'm not going anywhere - everything seems to be happening in slow motion, yet the weeks past by so quickly. It was only a year ago when I was down south working on data collection. A year ago when I was in a completely different place, fending for myself. And a lot has happened over the span of a year. 
Finished my first external placement, finished my last ever clinical assignment, finished my last ever clinical exam. Only one more external placement and I will have finished the requirements of my coursework degree! 
I got my first ever first-authored publication. My relationship with my supervisor is much more functional. I have projects ready to go and just waiting for me to finish. Once I finished all the write ups, I will be a doctor~ of sorts. When will that day come? Today, my devotions bought me to 1 Peter 1. The writer reminded me that although my postgraduate journey seems long, it's not in comparison to the rest of my working life (God willing)- the title is something no one can take away. And the marathon that I am running now is going to be worthwhile. Even more worthwhile are the trials we are being put through for God's kingdom; we are building up things that are eternal, that people cannot take away. 
As I move to the final stages of my postgraduate degree, I am starting to see a brighter future. One where I am no longer on a minimal wage. One where I am more autonomous in my work. One where I might have a LIFE. One where a dark gloomy guilt cloud doesn't constantly remind me that I am wasting time. One where I may actually have a social life ~ where spending time with friends doesn't mean a "wasted" thesis writing time. One where I might be in a better position to think about starting a family (God willing). But at the same time, there are also fears of the unknown. I am not sure what God wants me to do. I don't know what his will is for my career, for my relationships and for me in general. But I shall take it one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Or right now? One word at a time, one paragraph, one publication... 



1 Peter 1

 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.


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