happily ever after... but not together

20:45:00 Karen Li 2 Comments

When I was in HK this year, one of my best friends took me to a famous Chinese coffee shop. I ordered my favourite yinyang (coffee + milk tea). It was deliciously smooth, sweet and bitter at the same time. Perfect. We also ordered two meals to share. I ordered an ox tongue burger while he ordered thick toast with sweetened condensed milk with peanut butter. We ended up splitting the meal into two and sharing it. A most bizarre combination; but satisfying to have savory and sweet carbs on the same plate. 
I have tried some pretty unique combinations in the same dish. And sometimes, I like to experiment with the weird and the wonderful. But opposites don't always fit together. It's not a movie where opposites attract. Some bizarre combinations should never be put on the same plate. And will never sell in restaurants as one complete dish. 

I was talking to a friend today about past relationships. I am so glad that my ex found someone God had intended for him. And I wish him and his bride all the happiness in the world. And hopefully, we will both live happily ever after, even if it's not together. 

Sometimes, breakups aren't so happy. Once again, I am doing case studies on dysfunctional couples. When I am surrounded by such chaos and modelling of inappropriate behaviours, it's no wonder I have a warped perception of the world. Do relationships fail because we found the "wrong person"? Why are so many of my couple clients Christians and why do their relationships fail?

In the bible, it talks about finding the right TYPE of person to be your life long partner, not the right person (with the exception of the ultimate love story Isaac and Rebekah). From consulting literature in the area, I have summarized some key points. 

1) Do not be yoked with unbelievers.2 Corinthians 6:14
2) We are given free choice, God hasn't forced us to love Mr/ Miss X/Y. Of course, God can just see a further than what we can see.
3) It's about choosing the right TYPE of person, looking at their qualities. E.g. for males (not a sluggard, fool) for females (not those that lack self-control)
4) It's about building each other up in Christ
5) It's about a degree of care and commitment

There are expectations that comes with a long term committed relationship people underestimate. There are family of origin and historical contexts that need to be accounted for. Then the reasons people get together impact on long term outcomes ~ rebound relationships, trust issues, etc. Now if more of my clients attend relationship education classes before marriage, then I would be a happier therapist. I'm looking forward to attending a relationship seminar this Friday on the DARK SIDE OF RELATIONSHIPS ~ all about abuse, violence and betrayal. 

My best friend's mum and an old pastor's wife once told me that they had been praying for the marriage partners and future children of their child since they were young. I was shocked? You mean you are praying for the future partner of your teenager? They weren't joking. It's never too early for prayer. (I have seen their children grow up to find really good partners to serve Christ with). And then we wait patiently with hope and faith... 

If we have faith as small as mustard seeds, we can move mountains. 

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