I'm not who I was

13:22:00 Karen Li 0 Comments

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the person I used to be. I've been saying that a lot recently. I can't make any excuses for the person I was. Or for the things that I did or should've done. But I am no longer that person. 

There are some specific people I know I hurt deeply. I too was hurting but couldn't express myself appropriately. I am sorry for blaming my mother for my father's death. I am sorry for taking her for granted while she looked after me and was going through grief herself. 

I'm sorry to my best friend in high school, who loved me. I'm sorry for taking advantage of that. I'm sorry for playing mind games to get you to show you that you loved me again and again. I'm sorry for causing you so much pain, stress, and burden. I'm sorry if what I did changed your vision of relationships. I forgive you for the misunderstandings between us. I forgive me, for I was young and stupid and didn't know what love was. 

I'm sorry to my brother who I mistreated and bullied. I'm sorry that I tried to control you. I forgive myself for being so cruel to you and will continue to make up for my mistakes. 

I'm sorry to my dear friends who I mistreated because I was hurting inside. I'm sorry for having a short temper. I forgive myself because I didn't know what peace and love was. I will continue to try to love others around me with all my heart and soul. 

I'm sorry to my first boyfriend who had to put up with things no human being should ever have to put up with. I'm sorry for all the fights, for all the breakups and make ups. I'm sorry for the mess my life was. I forgive myself for playing such mind games and will do better next time. I will find that person God has intended for me to serve and love and I will support them and love them. 

I'm sorry to those I played around with. I am sorry for those I intentionally or unintentionally led on. I was immature and was playing with fire. I forgive myself for being so insecure in myself that I needed to do the things I did. I now know that I don't need anyone to satisfy or fill this void in me besides God. 

I'm sorry to God because I didn't recognize the terrible person I was and the terrible witness I was making for those around me. I'm sorry that I didn't have enough love for those around me and love for myself. I am ready to continue to make changes to myself and I am ready to accept responsibility for mistakes I have made in the past. I am a sinner. And I am grateful that you have revealed yourself to me. I am grateful that you have shone your light on me so that I can see my past selfish ways. Please continue to refine me, mold me, to be more like you each and everyday. 

For those I have hurt, I wish you can see the person I am today and the person I am becoming. I wish you can see the growth. And wish that you can forgive me just as I am starting to forgive myself. 


I'm Not Who I Was

By Brandon Heath
from the album Don't Get Comfortable tabs: http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/b/brandon_heath/im_not_who_i_was_crd.htm

D          A9             C9           G9

D                 A9                                   C9                 G9
I wish you could see me now                I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was

D                                        A9                             C9                 G9
Used to be mad at you              A little on the hurt side too but I'm not who I was

Em7/A                D/F#                            G9
I found my way around to forgiving you         sometime ago

                           C9              Gmaj7
But I never got to tell you

D          A9             C9           G9
So...........

D                                              A9                           C9                 G9
I found this in a photograph           I saw me and I had to laugh you know I'm not who 
was

D                                                          A9            C9                 G9
You were there you were right above me and I wonder if you ever loved  me just for who I was

Em7/A                                D/F#                              
G9
When the pain came back again like a bitter friend          it was all that I could do

                                 C9                  Gmaj7
To keep myself from blaming you


D                                       A9                               C9                 G9
Thinking it's a funny thing       figured out I can sing now I'm not who I was

D                                      A9                                   C9                 G9
I write about love and such maybe cuz I want it so much       I'm not who I was


Em7/A                     D/F#                                   G9
I was thinking maybe I I should let you know           that I am not the same

                             C9                     Gmaj7
That I never did forget your name


(D                  A9                   C9                 
repeat this pattern twice over vocal ad libs
Hello.....                       Na na na na na na na.....


Em7/A                         D/F#                               G9
The thing I find most amazing, an amazing grace is the chance to give it out

                                       C9                     Gmaj7
Maybe that's what love is all about


D                                                 A9                        C9                 G9
I wish you could see me now                I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was

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