Review: I kissed Dating Goodbye I

21:19:00 Karen Li 1 Comments

Review of Josh Harris' I kissed dating goodbye (new updated edition), split into 4 parts (Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV).

Part I: Isn't there a better way (the alternative to dating)
Part II: The heart of the matter (What is love and understanding the gift of singleness)
Part III: Building a new lifestyle (The HOW to do it)
Part IV:

My thoughts: I kissed dating goodbye was beautifully written. It explores the struggles many single people go through. I felt that I had to read this book after reading boy meets girl. At first glance it's all against dating and encourages you to be single for life but when you really spend time to read between the covers, you will discover that Josh is a deeply romantic man wanting to do romance the right way with God. I would encourage young people to read through the book before considering dating. I would encourage parents to take a read and rear your children with such pure views about relationships, dating and marriage. Finally, I would encourage those seeking romance in their lives to read it to discover the gift of singleness: even if it's only a season of singleness. 

Part I summary:
I gave my heart away too many times. I took from others what wasn't mine. My perception of romance was that it was to serve myself- make me feel good about myself. I made promises that I didn't fully consider.
"Relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about 'having a good time' or 'learning, what I want in a relationship'. They're not to be about getting but GIVING.
Harris talks about developing wisdom. Paraphrased. 'When I stopped seeing boys are potential boyfriends and started treating them as brothers in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship'.
Kissing dating goodbye isn't to avoid pain, it's so I can stand pure and blameless before God. Not only physically but in motives, minds, and emotions.
Q: Does commitment need to be the goal of a romantic relationship?
A: The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. True love is selfless, it's patient, it's looking out for the ongoing good for the other person.

7 habits of highly defective dating.
1) dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship: 'a relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last' Dating is "I'm attracted to you, therefore, let's get to know each other." Friendship is "We interested in the same things, let's enjoy these common interests together".
2) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
3) dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships. No man has the right to claim my exclusive attention unless he asks me to be his wife. [paraphrased]
4) Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future
5) Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness
6) Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.
7) Dating often becomes an end in itself.

A new attitude.
1) Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love.
2) My unmarried years are a gift from God
3) I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage
4) I can't 'own' someone outside of marriage
5) I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.

My thoughts: The first part of the book was really confronting for me. We are set apart, different to the world. How can we love as the world loves? I thought the guidelines about relationships was quite simple 1) no sex before marriage 2) only date Christians. But after reading through the first part of the book, it gave me much food for thought.

Until I am truly ready for commitment, I need to stop dating and putting myself in vulnerability situations. Until I am ready to love others as I love myself, I have no business in even contemplating a romantic relationship.

I made a commitment with some sisters in Christ.

"Having faith that God is sovereign over all things. As much as it depends on me, I will avoid situations where I would be physically, emotionally or mentally vulnerable. This specifically involves avoiding one-one situations with brothers in Christ. This involves considering and putting others before myself in all types of relationships. Involves building up those around me in Christ. And it involves not pursuing a romantic relationship until I am ready for marriage".

This really is a radical way to view dating relationships. But we are just going back to basics- to the way it was intended.

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